


What's The Worst That Could Happen?

by Gennivieve



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6790315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gennivieve/pseuds/Gennivieve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclaimers:</p><p>Homestuck © Andrew Hussie</p><p>Characters in this story are © to kaya, eli, and i</p><p>me: <br/>kaya: <br/>eli:</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act 1 Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOO this is old and im like re-doing it. 
> 
> keeping this here because its fucking funny and i hate it
> 
> skip ahead for the REAL STORY™

A young woman stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 8th of May, 2016, is this young woman's birthday. Though it was fifteen years ago she was given life, it is only today she will be given a name! 

What will the name of this young woman be?

 

> Enter name.

 

_Boorish Spinster_

**TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS**

 

> Try again.

 

_Luna Aubade_

 

> Examine Room.

 

Your name is LUNA. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of EMPTY BOTTLES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE FANFICTION. You like to write STORIES but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for WEBCOMICS, and are an aspiring ARTIST. You also like to play GAMES sometimes. 

 

What will you do?

 

> Luna: Quickly retrieve arms from dresser.

 

Your ARMS are in your UNDERBED COMPARTMENT, spinster!

 

> Remove PILE OF EMPTY BOTTLES from in front of the UNDERBED COMPARTMENT.

 

Out of sympathy for Luna's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the PILE OF EMPTY BOTTLES for her and put it on her BED.

 

> Luna: Quickly retrieve arms from UNDERBED COMPARTMENT. 

 

You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the compartment. You have no idea where you got these. 

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though. 

There are other items in the compartment.

 

> Luna: Examine contents of compartment.

 

In here you keep random ITEMS and an array of trashy and unbelievably shitty FANFICTIONS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED WRITER or a CUNNING ARTIST. 

You are neither of these things. 

Among the ITEMS and BOOKS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) DRAWING TABLET, ONE (1) THESAURUS, ONE (1) DICTIONARY, ONE (1) JOURNAL, SEVERAL (~) HARRY POTTER FANFICTIONS, SEVERAL(~) BEANIES, SEVERAL (~) 'EMO' BAND BRACELETS, ONE (1) MAJESTIC SCARF, and ONE (1) COPY OF JOHN WINCHESTER'S JOURNAL from the popular show SUPERNATURAL.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the HARRY POTTER FANFICTIONS.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue Harry Potter fanfictions.

 

You stow the HARRY POTTER FANFICTIONS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX. 

You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least. 

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.

 

> Luna: Equip fake arms.

 

You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway. 

Unfortunately, you cannot access the FAKE ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the HARRY POTTER FANFICTIONS.  
You will have to use the fanfictions first in order to access the arms. But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just send all the papers flying all over your room! 

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating. 

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience.

 

> Luna: Examine Prague Race Poster. 

 

Is it even possible to get any more spooky than that? You really doubt it. This poster was one of your wisest purchases. 

There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon.

 

> Luna: Read note on dresser. 

 

The note reads: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KID. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU."  
This note is rich with the aromas of BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS and a hint of CRANBERRY JUICE AND VODKA. 

Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.

 

> Luna: Take poster.

 

You wonder what is printed on the poster.

You’ll need some way to hang it on your wall.

 

> Luna: Acquire hammer and nails.They will come in handy.

 

You look around your room and you notice there’s a HAMMER and some NAILS sitting on your DESK. You wonder how they got there. 

You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.

But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS?

You guess it doesn’t hurt to try.

 

> Luna: Take nails.

 

You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the ITEMS down a card. 

The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!! 

Oh well. They're probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don't want to do that again, unless you want to drop the HARRY POTTER FANFICTIONS and suffer the consequences. 

In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful.

 

> Luna: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk. 

 

This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!! 

STUPID STUPID STUPID. 

And yet the polished surface of your desk... 

It beckons.

 

> Luna: Combine the nails and hammer.

 

You MERGE the top two cards. 

The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.

 

> Luna: Use hammer/nails on poster.

 

You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it.

 

> Luna: Nail poster to wall. 

 

You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall. 

It's glorious. Exactly what you wanted. The matriarch really came through this time.

 

> Luna: Examine Ava’s Demon poster.

 

NOW SINCE I HAVE THE STAGE

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION FOR TITAN

THROUGH A GLORIOUS THEATRICAL PRODUCTION OF MY OWN CREATION

 

> Luna: Examine The Meek poster.

 

The Meek is a graphic novel about Angora, an inexperienced young girl who has been sent on a quest to save the world. War looms on the horizon, and at its helm is the Emperor of the North and his hellish adviser. The two countries are overwhelmed with as much terror, crime, disease and revolution as they are with those who wish to create peace. Armed with only her instincts and an unexplainable power, she must experience and judge the world—and decide once and for all if it is truly worth saving.

 

> Luna: Examine calendar. 

 

You've marked your birthday, the 8th of May. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH. 

It's been three days already. It's starting to become a sore subject with you.

 

> Luna: Drink from one of the bottles.

 

You are way too young for the contents of the bottle!!! They’re all empty anyways. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The BOTTLES stay put for now. 

You hear a notice from your LAPTOP. Someone is messaging you.

 

> Luna: Examine incoming message.

 

You pull up to your LAPTOP. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather adorable WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it. 

Your desktop is also littered with various WORD DOCUMENTS for NOVELS. You are so bad at writing sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.

Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you.

 

> Luna: Open Pesterchum.

 

Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. He's sent you a message.

 

> Luna: Open message.

 

\-- alternativeTermination [AT] began pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 17:08 -- 

 

AT: Hey, so what’d you get today, small one.  
CG: Don’t call me small. You shut. And I got a poster for a webcomic called Ava’s Demon. My mom’s p cool.  
AT: That’s cool. Never heard of it though.  
CG: Okay, that’s fine. Do you ever read webcomics?  
AT: One  
AT: Lfg.  
TG: Staring Richard the warlock aka literally murders innocent people for power.  
CG: That’s...  
CG: Nice I guess?  
AT: Why are you asking anyways?  
AT: I mean it doesn’t really matter.  
CG: Of course it matters! You uncultured swine!  
AT: Ok I can accept that  
AT: But  
AT: It doesn’t necessarily make me an “uncultured swine”  
AT: But who cares about this let’s stop talking about it.  
AT: Did you get the beta yet ?  
CG: No.  
CG: Did you?  
AT: Yeah, I got two copies already.  
AT: But I don’t care I’m not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring.  
AT: Did you see how it got slammed in game bro????  
CG: Game bro is a joke and we both know it.  
AT: Yeah.  
AT: Why don’t you go check your mail? Maybe it’s there now .  
CG: K.

 

> Luna: Look out window.

 

You see the view of your yard from your window. 

Sitting in the tree is your TREE HOUSE. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tree house is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL. 

And there beside your driveway is the mailbox

 

> Luna: Examine mailbox.

 

The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up! 

What the hell is that thing called anyway. You do not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here!

 

> Luna: Go outside and check mailbox.

 

You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. It looks like your MOM has returned from the grocery store. 

Oh great. She is beating you to the mail.

 

> Luna: Forget it. Check mail later.

 

If you go down stairs to get it, she will likely monopolize hours of your time. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles. 

Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular. 

And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity!

Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses.

 

> Luna: Examine movies on CD rack.

 

You've put countless manhours into this assortment of trash.

 

> Luna: Read JOHN WINCHESTER’S JOURNAL.

 

You decide to consult with the hunter's bottomless wisdom. Good grief this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it. 

But to really dig into this thick journal, you will have to captchalogue it. You are not sure you are ready to logjam your other ITEMS beneath it just yet.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue fake arms again.

 

What did you just say?? You don't want to clog up your... 

Oh, Jesus. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you accidentally captchalogue the arms again.

 

> Luna: Set pesterchum status to “bully”.

 

You don't think the situation is quite dire enough to go all the way to "RANCOROUS", but you still feel the PESTERCHUM client should reflect your mood change in some way. 

"BULLY" will have to do. You guess. 

This unsurprisingly does nothing whatsoever. 

Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you.

 

> Luna: Answer chum.

 

AT: Is it there?  
AT: Please say yes.  
AT: Maybe you can play with AG. She’s been pestering me all day about it .  
AT: Like  
AT: It’s nonstop.  
CG: Hahaha Who sucks? yOU dO!  
AT: Fuck off.  
CG: Jk lol sorry.  
CG: But no, I don't have it yet.  
CG: My mom has the mail and I guess I have to go get it from her and see if it's there.  
CG: And I've been busy spending all afternoon fucking around with my stupid sylladex.  
CG: It's so frustrating.  
AT: What’s your modus ?  
CG: What?  
AT: How do you retrieve stuff from it?  
CG: Oh. Like one at a time, I guess. And if I put too much in, something falls out.  
AT: Stack?? hahahahahaha  
CG: What’s yours?  
AT: Hash map .  
AT: My dad taught me a few tricks.  
CG: What the frick frack diddily wack is a hash map?  
AT: You should probably brush up on your data structures.  
CG: Fine, but that shit’s boring.  
AT: Did you at least allocate your strife specibus?  
CG: No.  
AT: It could free up a card for you.  
AT: Plus let you attack stuff whenever things get too hot to handle.  
AT: Which is never.  
AT: What have you got?  
CG: Well, I've got a hammer but it's trapped under some arms.  
AT: Wow, you really suck at this. Don’t you ?  
AT: Just get rid of the arms and then allocate the hammer to the specibus.  
CG: How?  
AT: I don’t know just use the arms on any old thing and see if it works.

 

> Luna: Combine fake arms with pile of empty bottles.

 

You stick the FAKE ARMS in the PILE OF EMPTY BOTTLES on your bed. 

This definitely makes the BOTTLES at least 300% more magical. You're sure PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL would know the precise index of elevated magicalness.

 

> Luna: Allocate hammer to strife specibus.

 

This doesn’t seem like a very good idea to you. You don’t really like hammers all that much.

 

> Luna: Set the hammer down on your desk.

 

You set the hammer down and look at your bookshelf. You grab HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN. This is much better.

 

> Luna: Allocate the novel to strife specibus.

 

You check the back of your STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS you have in mind for it.

 

> Luna: Select “BOOK”.

 

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the BOOKKIND ABSTRATUS. 

The NOVEL has been moved from your CAPTCHALOGUE DECK to your STRIFE DECK.

 

> Luna: Report progress to AT.

 

 

CG: Oki, I did it.  
AT: hammerkind?  
CG: Nope, I decided to use a Harry Potter book.  
AT: Ok that will be the permanent allocation for your specibus.  
AT: I guess I should have mentioned that.  
CG: uh...  
AT: Hope you like books!  
CG: Yeah, that's fine I guess. I can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue John Winchester’s journal.

 

Now that you've got some space in your SYLLADEX to work with, you figure you might as well start squandering it immediately. 

Ordinarily this spoopy journal would be way too suspicious to be carrying around like a normal person. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience.

 

> Luna: Examine Game Bro magazine.

 

“SBURB”  
“Why the ’Game of the Year’ or whatever  
isn’t as good as some other stuff I like that’s better”

 

> Luna: Read article.

 

“So, ok.

SBURB is this game that  
a lot of cats seem hella  
pumped of. And this beta  
is sitting on my desk for  
review, so I’m like, yeah  
man, I’ll write something.

But I don’t know. I’m like,  
so this is about houses or  
some noise? That’s fine, I’m sure that’s  
like fucking dynamite in a handbag for  
some brosephs. But all I’m saying is,  
When do you get to **thrash** anything?  
While you’re playing house or some shit,  
are you ever in jeopardy of getting mud  
on your doll’s dress or whatever from  
busting out, and I quote, “the mad  
stunts and wicked up-ins”?

Know what I’m saying, Bro-Yo Ma? I  
didn’t actually play this game but I gave  
it a 1.5 hats out of 5 hats to keep it real.

At this point I’d like to give a shout out  
to my boy Dennis who was over the  
other day. We were going to chill in front  
of The Dark Night and he was so  
psyched of it y’all.

So this one time he was  
leaning against the screen  
door and the shit popped  
open, and the back deck  
was wet and he slipped  
down the steps and broke  
his thumb on the lawn. It  
wasn’t a long fall, but hey I  
guess a thumb bone wasn’t  
made for supporting the  
brunt of a huge useless tool  
against wet grass. We never did watch  
Dark Night on account of Ron’s truck-  
ing his bawling candy-ass girth to the  
hospital.

But it’s cool, I still got another watch  
in me, Brotel Rwanda.”

 

> Luna: Captchalogue GameBro.

 

It might come in handy if you ever need something that burns easily.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue one of the beanies.

 

You expend your final card on the BEANIE.

 

> Luna: Get scarf too.

 

You don't have a free card in your SYLLADEX! 

However, you are able to MERGE the SCARF with the BEANIE to create a CLEVER DISGUISE.

 

> Luna: Wear disguise to fool mom.

 

Luna? Who is this "Luna" you speak of? You are quite certain there has never been, nor ever will be... 

Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise. 

While you are wearing the items, they remain on the card, but it is temporarily removed from the deck, thus freeing up the cards beneath it.

 

> Luna: Leave room.

 

You exit into the HALLWAY. 

On one wall hangs a picture of a candle. You always wondered why your MOM has a picture of a candle, but you didn’t question it.

On the other wall is one of your MOM'S stupid mutants. Or CATS, as she is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption. You have no idea where she got those.

 

> Luna: Go downstairs.

 

The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. Something is brewing in the KITCHEN. It must be your MOM making BEER BATTER CUPCAKES or something.

This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined.

 

> Luna: Admire cats.

 

You check out the shelves of PRESERVED CATS. 

Look at this fucking garbage. You hate this stuff. Cat’s are cute and all, but mutant ones trapped in little blue cubes?

Sometimes at night you pray for burglars.

 

> Luna: Examine fireplace.

 

A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE. It doesn't matter that it's May and not terribly chilly outside. In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception. 

As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays. 

"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain 

You are almost certain Mark Twain said that.

 

> Luna: Toss GameBro into fire.

 

It doesn't burn as quickly as you hoped. 

Each GAMEBRO MAGAZINE is guaranteed to be printed on 40% recycled asbestos. For big ups to Mother Earth, yo.

 

END ACT 1 PART 1


	2. Act 1 Part 2

> Luna: Fondly regard cremation.

 

You examine the SACRED URN containing your departed SISTER'S ASHES. 

When your mother gives her portrait a wistful glance now and then, you can tell it brings back painful memories. A rainy night. A slippery road. And a car.

She never wants to talk about it.

 

> Luna: Topple Urn.

 

You clumsily mishandle the SACRED URN. Ash is everywhere. 

In retrospect, upon mulling cinematic tropes regarding ash-filled urns, this outcome was a virtual certainty. 

You'd probably better clean it up before MOM finds it.

 

> Luna: Combine mother’s pearl necklace with clever disguise.

 

You think now would be a good time to beef up your CLEVER DISGUISE.

 

> Luna: Examine oversized gift.

 

There’s a tag hanging from a large bow at the top. It reads:  
“KID.

YOU CAN DO  
ANYTHING IF YOU PUT  
YOUR MIND TO IT.

I BELIEVE IN YOU”

Contemplating what could be inside this package is sort of exciting, but it makes you a little nervous at the same time.

 

> Luna: Open large present.

 

Oh hell no.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue ashes.

 

First you prop the MUTANT CAT DOLL up on the couch. Having it in the middle of the floor sprawled out all akimbo like that struck you as unseemly. 

You captchalogue the ASHES to your available card.

 

> Luna: Combine ashes with urn.

 

You merge the SACRED URN with the ASHES. 

Most of the ASH is back in the URN, but it's a total mess. Really it probably would have been tidier if you just used a broom and dustpan.

 

> Luna: Put urn back.

 

No one will be the wiser. 

Except maybe for people with eyes.

 

> Luna: Go get fake arms again.

 

You just got another BRILLIANT idea for something to do with those pointless arms. You pry them out of the PILE OF BOTTLES and captchalogue them. Unfortunately it seems you put the arms in the pile a little too forcefully earlier, and glass shards are all over your bed and stuck in the base of the arms. 

Looks like PESTERCHUM is acting up again.

 

> Luna:Check pesterchum.

 

Another one of your chums is messaging you.

 

> Luna: Check message.

 

AG: a little birdie told me you got the game? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
CG: That's an ugly rumor.  
CG: Whoever told you that is a filthy liar  
CG: and you should probably stop hitting on him all the time or whatever.  
AG: lol i can't control myself.  
AG: I must have a weakness for insufferable pricks. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
CG: anyway i still haven't checked the mail, me mum has it.  
CG: i'm trying to go get it from her, so brb  
AG: Luna.  
CG: what?  
AT: You're wearing one of your disguises now, aren't you?  
AT: You are typing to me right now while wearing something ridiculous.  
CG: no, why would you even think that??  
CG: that's so stupid.  
AG: psh whatever  
AG: go get le game from your mom  
CG: alright, wish me luck.  
CG: oh, btw...  
CG: jk I was wearing a bunch a bullshit this whole time  
CG: gotcha! hehehehe  
AG: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ 

 

> Luna: Go back downstairs.

 

You can now execute that brilliant idea you had. 

There should be just enough GLASS in the FAKE ARMS to serve as an adequate adhesive.

 

> Luna: Attach arms to doll.

 

You stab the arms into the side of the MUTANT CAT DOLL. 

You don't care what PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL says, that makes it AT LEAST a million percent more magical. What’s more magical than a MUTANT CAT with ARMS?

 

> Luna: Inspect burnt paper on the floor.

 

It’s a page from the GameBro.

You put this back in the fire where it belongs.

 

> Luna: Throw present wrap in fire.

 

As long as you’re cleaning up…

 

> Luna: Captchalogue doll.

 

You can carry hefty items, but that thing is just way too big. Get real! 

Besides, you don't even want it.

 

> Luna: Read John Winchester’s journal.

 

You thought about consulting the text to determine if the doll is spoopy as well as magical. 

But this text is way too big to navigate in a timely fashion. You decide to forget it.

 

> Luna: Find mom and retrieve mail.

 

The door on the left leads to the KITCHEN, from which the smell of baking wafts -- a powerful aroma which could lift an especially portly hobo off his feet. 

The door on the right leads to the MUSIC ROOM, where your MOM spends a lot of time. 

She could be in either room. Where will you go?

 

> Luna: Go in the music room.

 

It doesn’t look like she’s in here right now.

 

> Luna: Examine mother’s guitar.

 

On the GUITAR is an arrangement of STICKERS and AUTOGRAPHS from famous MUSICIANS.

You pick the guitar up and give it a little strum. It’s out of tune.

A stray captchalogue card is stuck under the stand where the guitar belongs.

You set the guitar back down.

 

> Luna: Upgrade costume with hat from hat rack.

 

You swap the BEANIE with the MUSIC NOTE THEMED HERRINGBONE HAT. 

This disguise is somewhat less edgy, but A LOT more distinguished looking.

 

> Luna: Examine captchalogue card.

 

Yes!!! This will be perfect for expanding the space in your SYLLA…

 

> Luna: Captchalogue captchalogue card.

 

ARGH!

 

> Luna: Play a haunting piano refrain.

 

You play SOUND OF SILENCE.

 

> Luna: Attempt to leave the house.

 

You go back into the LIVING ROOM and contemplate checking the mailbox outside. You think perhaps you should exhaust all possibilities before plunging headlong into a MOM encounter. 

Your TELEVISION is currently airing a COMMERCIAL.

 

> Luna: Exit.

 

You exit the house.

 

> Luna: Check mail.

 

Predictably, the mailbox is empty. You have already been scooped by your mother.

 

==>

 

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune. 

It is your fifteenth birthday, and as with all fourteen preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all. 

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman 

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive. 

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

 

> Luna: Leave a surprise for the mailman.

 

N…

No!

 

> Luna: See if your mother left the mail in the car.

 

The door is locked and your MOM has the CAR KEYS. You peer in through the driver's side window. 

You don't see any mail, but you do see an ORANGE PACKAGE. There is also something underneath it that looks like a slip of paper. 

Could these items have come in the mail? You don't see anything else that's usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe your MOM forgot to take this stuff inside.

 

> Luna: Spy in the kitchen.

 

You try to get a gander through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but you can't see a whole lot! It seems your MOM has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up. 

God she is so weird. 

But you can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, your MOM'S PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be??? 

Unfortunately, the window is locked.

 

> Luna: Go back into the kitchen.

 

You have no other choice. You are going in. 

CLEVER DISGUISE, it's time to work your magic.

 

> Luna: Enter.

 

Your MOM sees right through your costume! You don't know what you were even thinking with this foolish ruse!!! 

You unequip the CLEVER DISGUISE. Your MOM wields a dreaded MUFFIN TIN full of BEER BATTER CUPCAKES. She stands between you and the mail. 

There is only one way to settle this.

 

> STRIFE!

 

You AGGRIEVE but your MOM ABJURES your ATTACK!

You ABJURE your MOM’S ATTACK!

This goes on for quite some time.

 

> Luna: Retrieve the package and flee to your room!

 

You cannot ABSCOND! This pesky GUARDIAN is blocking your path! You will need to engineer some sort of distraction. 

And now she brandishes a PIE TIN filled beyond it's limits with WHIPPED CREAM! The woman is ruthless. 

You'd better brace for impact in the most dignified way possible.

 

> Luna: Equip disguise for defense.

 

The CLEVER DISGUISE absorbs the brunt of the treat. Looks like MOM will take the victory this time, as is usually the case.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue pie tin.

 

You take PIE TIN and unequip the CLEVER DISGUISE. 

Everything in your SYLLADEX is pushed back a card. The HARRY POTTER FANFICTIONS are ejected from the deck. 

Yes! This could be just the distraction you were...

 

==>

 

The FANFICTIONS are in a neat pile on the ground.

What a huge letdown. 

 

> Luna: Take the cupcakes!

 

"When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde 

Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation. 

You grab ahold of the CUPCAKE TRAY your MOM was holding.

The CUPCAKES force JOHN WINCHESTER’S JOURNAL out of your SYLLADEX.

 

==>

 

The JOURNAL lands on the FANFICTIONS, knocking the pile over and sending paper flying everywhere.

Winchester you beautiful bastard.

Now’s your chance!

 

> Luna: Abscond.

 

Now that MOM is busy swatting away pages upon pages of SHITTY FANFICTION, you can safely sneak away.

 

> Luna: Take PDA.

 

You snag your MOM'S PDA. Maybe later you'll switch the background image to a sexy cat or something as a prank. Besides, it may come in handy later. 

Your spare CAPTCHALOGUE CARD is forced out of the SYLLADEX, and consequently integrated with the deck. You now have five cards to work with.

 

> Luna: Take package.

 

The RED PACKAGE is addressed to you.

 

> Luna: Take envelope.

 

You got the SBURB BETA!!!

 

> Luna: Exit kitchen.

 

One of the ARMS fell off of the MUTANT CAT DOLL and onto a tray of HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUPCAKES.

 

> Luna: Get cupcakes on couch.

 

You captchalogue the CUPCAKES on the couch, expelling the PIE TIN from the bottom card.

 

> Luna: Combine the cupcake trays to make a double decker cupcake tray.

 

You then merge the two CUPCAKE TRAYS across all five cards. 

Everything in your SYLLADEX is smushed between the CUPCAKES. Why don't you think these things through first??

 

> Luna: Retreat upstairs!

 

You pause at the juncture and head down the hall. You are going to need something to clean up the mess you are about to make by dissecting this CUPCAKE. 

To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your MOM'S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. She has secrets.

 

> Luna: Go to bathroom and grab a towel.

 

You enter the BATHROOM. You can see your BACK YARD from the window. The entire YARD has been converted into a GARDEN. When you were little, you and your MOM would grow an assortment of PLANTS and FLOWERS. It has long overgrown. 

On the sink is your MOM'S RAZOR. On the rack to the side is a FRESH TOWEL.

 

> Luna: Find something suitable to cut open double decker cupcake.

 

You don’t see how a RAZOR would be able to dissect a massive CUPCAKE. All it would do is slowly shave off the layers. It’d take you about an hour just to shave all the frosting off.

You just decide to break the RAZOR and remove a single RAZOR BLADE.

This strikes you as much more practical.

 

> Luna: Remove PDA, envelope and package from cupcake.

 

You take the RAZOR BLADE and use it to perform surgery on the CUPCAKE. 

You take the TOWEL and clean off the extracted goods.

 

> Luna: Retrieve your items.

 

The items force the MANHANDLED CUPCAKE into the TOILET. 

And just like that, your SYLLADEX is full again. God this thing is annoying.

 

> Luna: Go to bedroom.

 

Your computer is going off.

 

> Luna: Admire “Nimona” poster.

 

Lord Ballister Blackheart has a point to make, and his point is that the good guys aren't as good as they seem. He makes a comfortable living as a supervillain, but never really seems to accomplish much - until he takes on a new sidekick, Nimona, a shapeshifter with her own ideas of how things should be done. Unfortunately, most of those ideas involve blowing things up. Now Ballister must teach his young protégé some restraint and try to keep her from destroying everything, while simultaneously attempting to expose the dark dealings of those who claim to be the protectors of the kingdom - including his former best friend turned nemesis, Ambrosius Goldenloin.

 

> Luna: Check pesterchum.

 

\-- terribleGoober [TG] began pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 17:34 -- 

TG: Happy birthday, you piece of trash  
TG: helloooooo??  
TG: ok whatever. i’ll just talk to you later

\-- terribleGoober [TG] ceased pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 17:56 -- 

 

\-- alternativeTermination [AT] began pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 17:40 -- 

AT: Hey TG is looking for you why are you even so popular all of a sudden  
AT: is today some sort of special occasion or something?  
AT: No, seriously  
AT: what the fuck?  
AT: Why aren’t you answering me?  
\-- alternativeTermination [AT] is now an idle chum! --  
CG: Kek I summoned my demon friend Matthias  
CG: He’s helping me with a (sexy) multicultural demon who is a newly graduated succubus and only speaks Latin!  
AT: No stop  
AT: Just… No  
AT: Don't talk about your awful stupid webcomics or make references to them.  
AT: Your gross crush on Serath the Sex Demon is an unsavory thing to behold.  
CG: Seirath*  
AT: Exactly.  
AT: It’s dumb.  
AT: Equally dumb are all those pictures of that cat you’ve got hanging up  
CG: Those are my mom's.  
AT: I was talking about Toska.  
CG: Oh, WhAT?! C’mon Toska is sweet. so sweet. And he’s not a cat :/  
AT: ha ha so lame  
AT: You don’t even like him ironically or anything, this is like, for real isnt it ?  
AT: He’s F I C T I O N A L .  
CG: I do things ironically sometimes.  
CG: What about what i sent you for your birthday?  
AT: No those are awesome  
CG: What? No, they're stupid, which was the joke. The IRONIC joke. get it?  
CG: wait...  
CG: You're actually wearing them, aren't you?  
AT: I’m wearing them ironically ...  
AT: because they’re awesome.  
AT: The fact that they're ironic makes them awesome  
AT: and vice versa.  
AT: Are you taking notes on how to be cool?? If not, you’d definitely need to be.  
CG: You do realize they probably have been manhandled by a bunch of weeabos, right?  
AT: Ew, yeah.  
AT: Oh well .  
AT: Anyways! Speaking of which,  
AT: did you get the mail?  
CG: Yup  
AT: Did there happen to be a package there ?  
CG: Yeah, there's a big red one.  
AT: You should probably open it.  
CG: I would, but it's trapped under the sburb beta, so I will probably open it after I install the beta.  
AT: Oh man, the beta came?  
CG: Yeah! Wanna play it?  
AT: haha no way.  
CG: Why not!  
AT: It sounds so boring and stupid. Just like you! Jk…. Maybe…. Just get AG to play it she is all about that.  
CG: Where'd she go?  
AT: Her internet is blinking in and out I guess.  
AT: She’ll probably be back online soon.  
AT: Oh, and why the fuck are you still using the stack modus???  
AT: Seriously.  
AT: You need to BONE UP on your data structures that is just ridiculous. (Haha Skeleton pun I’m so funny)  
CG: Mhmm sure. Whatever. I will.

 

> Luna: Open browser and go to mspaintadventures.com.

 

You decide to space out on the computer for a while before doing anything important. 

You open the MORPHEUS web browser and direct it to what is indisputably the most amazing website ever created.

 

==>

 

“Midnight Crew”

◇ ♡ ♧ ♤

“You are members of a sinister gang called the Midnight Crew. Your  
nefarious plots are serpentine in their complexity. Your schemes,  
convoluted. You are planning a heist in your underground hideout.”

“What will you do?”

The new adventure is ok, but you're not sure if you like it as much as the last one.

 

> Luna: Install the Sburb beta.

 

You decide it's time for less meta, and more beta. 

You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA.

 

==>

 

“SBURB CLIENT”

 

“SBURB version 0.0.1

© SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB client is running.

Waiting for server to establish connection…”

 

What the fuck is this.

 

> Luna: Bone up on data structures.

 

You go to your CLOSET, where you keep a lot of clothes and an array of handy COMPUTER PROGRAMMING GUIDES and BOOKS.

 

> Luna: Read Data Structures book. 

 

“I think my rage just crapped its pants”  
-Funnyuncle

“DATA STRUCTURES for ASSHOLES  
By Buckminster Funnyuncle”

“Your ignorance just made me throw up a little. Get a clue, you computer-illiterate piece of shit.”

“FREE FETCH MODUS IN BACK!”

 

You're not sure you really want to dig into this huge tome. It looks really boring. And kind of ornery. 

Maybe you'll just check out that free modus instead.

 

> Luna: Get free Fetch Modus. 

 

You turn to the back inside cover, where a free FETCH MODUS is included in a plastic sleeve. 

This one is dictated by the logic of a QUEUE DATA STRUCTURE, operating on a "First In, First Out" method, rather than a "First In, Last Out" method of a STACK.

 

> Luna: Apply Fetch Modus to Sylladex. 

 

Items captchalogued in your SYLLADEX are no longer immediately accessible. You can only use the item on the bottom card, and must wait for items on upper cards to be pushed back to it. 

For instance, the RED PACKAGE is now inaccessible. You can only use the RAZOR BLADE at the moment. 

This modus doesn't strike you as a significant upgrade to your previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. You figure you might as well give it a chance though.

 

> Luna: Switch back to Stack Modus. 

 

You suddenly wonder if this is even possible. You don't even remember if you ever had a physical card for the STACK MODUS. 

You find this all to be a little abstract and you'd prefer not to think about it too much.

 

> Luna: Put down razor blade. 

 

Put it... 

Down? 

... 

You're not quite sure you understand.

 

> Luna: Pick up two items. 

 

You captchalogue one of the EMPTY BOTTLES. 

You've finally found a use for all these loitering decanters: DEAD WEIGHT.

 

> Luna: Get another bottle. 

 

The second BOTTLE causes the RAZOR BLADE to launch out the front of your SYLLADEX. 

Oh good lord. 

THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE. 

The RAZOR BLADE had launched itself right out of your SYLLADEX and straight into the NIMONA POSTER.

 

> Luna: Get more stuff.

 

You open your UNDERBED COMPARTMENT and captchalogue the THESAURUS.

There goes the FRESH TOWEL.

 

> Luna: Might as well grab those bracelets.

 

You take the ‘EMO’ BAND BRACELETS, expelling the PDA like a bullet out the window and onto the front lawn.

 

==>

 

Oh God dammit.

 

> Luna: Open up that package!

 

“TO: CG  
FROM: AT”

You examine the package. It is from one of your internet chums. 

It's bound in packing tape though. You'll need something sharp to open it. 

Ah, of course! The RAZOR BLADE! It's all so simple, you wonder why you didn't...

 

> Luna: Get razor blade.

 

The RAZOR BLADE sends all of your items down a card and sends the RED PACKAGE out of your SYLLADEX.

 

> Luna: Pick up package again.

 

One of the BOTTLES is launched out of your SYLLADEX and onto the wall, breaking it.

Let's take this from the top.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue glass shards.

 

You take three GLASS SHARDS in quick succession and duck for cover. 

Your SYLLADEX rains devastation on your room from above. 

And now that your cards are packed with glass, you probably don't want to do that again any time soon.

 

==>

 

You should probably go get that stuff before you forget.

 

> Luna: Use razor blade on the red package.

 

You open the package. There is something suspicious inside. 

 

END ACT 1 PART 2


	3. Canon Luna

         

 

Canon Images Of Luna Aubade^^^

 

 

**Not my art, someone made this for me**


	4. Act 1 Part 3

==>

 

It’s like Harry Potter's wand! It's exactly 11" long, made of holly, and possesses a phoenix feather core. This was described by Garrick Ollivander to be an unusual combination of wand core and wood. The feather was donated by Fawkes, Albus Dumbledore's phoenix. It was revealed by Garrick Ollivander that Tom Riddle's wand core also came from Fawkes, making the two wands "brothers". Harry's wand was described as being "nice and supple"

But no, it is not merely LIKE that wand. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME WAND. 

This is so awesome.

 

> Luna: Check status of Sburb beta.

 

It looks like your laptop is trying to get your attention.

 

> Luna: Look at screen.

 

“SBURB version 0.0.1

© SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB client is running.

A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you.

Client has established connection with host.

Press [ENTER] when ready.

> “

 

> Luna: Check Pesterchum window.

 

\-- absoluteGarbage [AG] began pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 18:08 -- 

AG: i see you got the beta (｡◕‿◕｡)  
AG: imma try and connect with youuu  
CG: Lel oki but i wanna tell you about this awesome bday present I just got  
AG: teh wand? (∩｀-´)⊃━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ  
CG: yES  
AG: ye I know. Eli already told me about it  
CG: Whaaaa he did? Party pooper ;-;  
AG: lets just play the game • ε •  
CG: Oh yeah okay  
CG: What am i even looking at here?   
AG: ur the client and im the (ouran highschool)host(club). you have to have both to play the game  
CG: Ohhhhh okay  
AG: let’s get started then! ^J^ ~

 

> Luna: Press [ENTER]

[Loading...](https://youtu.be/bT2gfHU6yCU)

> AG: Select bed.

 

The bed is lifted into the air revealing a FILO card underneath.

 

> AG: Zoom out.

 

AG zooms out, they can now see the roof.

 

> AG: Drop bed.

 

CG: whoa, what are you doing??   
AG: sorreh, just getting a feel for the controls ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
CG: is my bed on the roof now??   
AG: maybe ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
CG: ಠ_ಠ  
AG: ill be more careful next time

 

> Luna: Get the card.

 

You find your missing STACK FETCH MODUS, and quickly reapply it to your SYLLADEX. You can now opt for either the STACK or QUEUE modus any time. 

You toggle between your FETCH MODI with gleeful abandon.

 

==>

 

It looks like your MOM is leaving again for more baking supplies. You're relieved to have the house to yourself again, if only for a few minutes. 

You just hope she doesn't notice the BED on the roof. Or all the shit you threw out the window, for that matter.

 

> AG: Select stuff in yard and move it back into room. 

 

CG: hey, do you think you could do me a favor?   
CG: can you grab all that stuff outside my broken window and bring it in for me?   
AG: k  
CG: thx!   
AG: whoops cant  
AG: its out of range. you gotta get closer  
CG: :C

 

> AG: Select Luna.

 

You cannot select a PLAYER! 

LUNA abjures the meddlesome cursor.

 

> AG: Revise room.

 

You use the REVISE tool and expand the room.

 

> AG: Open Phernalia Registry. 

 

You open the REGISTRY and hover over the three items presented. 

The CRUXTRUDER, TOTEM LATHE, and ALCHEMITER.

 

> AG: Deploy Totem Lathe.

 

You SELECT the TOTEM LATHE and place it in the space you had just REVISED.

 

> Luna: Examine Totem Lathe.

 

You don't know what the heck this thing does, but it looks neat!

 

> AG: Open Grist Cache.

 

AG: woa big words. ok so making your room bigger cost some “build grist”  
AG: but when i put down the totem lathe thingy it didn't cost anything.  
AG: i guess some items are free to help set up the game. im smart, highfive ＼（＾○＾）ﾉ  
CG: k lol ＼（＾○＾）人（＾○＾）／  
CG: What do they do?   
AG: i dunno. Guess you gotta find out  
AG: all i can do is drop stuff and move it around  
CG: How do I move stuff around? it sounds fun!   
AG: dunno if you can being the client. I think you have to be the host  
AG: you shoulda got both the client and server ones. im running both rn  
CG:whAT??   
AG: did you get another envelope in the mail?   
CG: no! >:0  
AG: when u install the server and ‘establish a connection’ im p sure youll be able to fuck with my house too.  
AG: you sure you didn't get it?   
CG: oh frickity frack  
CG: I think I might know where it is.

 

==>

 

AG: now that your room is bigger, why don't you move to the far corner?   
AG: itll make it so youre closer and i can grab teh stuff for you  
AG: the stuff that you… chucked out your window… ლ(╹ε╹ლ)  
CG: good idea!   
AG: wtf have you been doing anyways?  
CG: ugh, I was fussing with my retarded sylladex.   
CG: but I think i have it under control now.   
CG: what modus do you use?   
AG: i use pictionary (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
CG: d’aw that's cute. But how does it even work?  
AG: i mean it's not the best  
AG: but you draw and just hope you get what you need ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

> Luna: Stand in corner.

 

You bring the THESAURUS and the PDA up to Luna’s room. She seems happy.

 

> AG: Deploy Cruxtruder.

 

You place the CRUXTRUDER downstairs in a CREVICE that looks like it was made just for this.

 

> AG: Deploy Alchemiter.

 

You place the ALCHEMITER on Luna’s BALCONY. 

CG: why is the floor shaking?   
CG: are you dropping more stuff in my house?   
AG: yeah ya two more large gizmos.   
CG: sweet!   
CG: what is with all these big contraptions?   
AG: they’re like punch cards n stuff. Something about alchemy as well?? ┐(‘～`；)┌  
CG: huh.   
CG: to what end?   
CG: I mean what are we supposed to be doing in this game?   
AG: i have no idea ╮(─▽─)╭  
AG: why don’t you go investigate??

 

> Luna: Get PDA.

 

“Witchy Business”

“The following matters have been submitted in a magickal manner for _Amethyst508’s_ appraisal.”

Oh god. There’s a lot of weird shit in LATIN on here that you don’t understand, whatsoever.  
Is… Is your MOM a WITCH??!

Anyways… You grab the PDA, switching back to STACK MODUS so it is readily accessible. 

The interface is oddly sterile. No sexy mutant wallpapers or anything like that. (Oops, you mean cat wallpapers.) 

The WITCHY BUSINESS application is open. It seems your MOM uses it to keep tabs on various acquaintances... her fellow botanists, maybe? 

You guess botany must be pretty witchy business after all.

Whatever that means.

 

> Luna: Install Pesterchum.

 

This should be useful. Now you can keep tabs on your chums while you wander around the house.

 

> Luna: Go out to balcony.

 

CG: hey, i'm out on the balcony now.   
CG: i am messaging from my mom's pda.   
AG: the one you threw in the yard  
CG: No, I am telling you.   
CG: It jumped out of my sylladex like a fuckin acrobat or some shit. It did flips and everything!  
AG: What were you doing with it in the first place?   
AG: you don't seem to care about what happens to other ppls shit (◡﹏◡✿)  
AG: do you have anger issues? do we need to have an intervention?   
CG: what? no.   
CG: those were all accidents.   
CG: please take your psycho-babblery elsewhere, miss!   
AG: your bathroom is a mess.   
AG: Did you do that too?   
CG: oh man, see this isn't cool.   
CG: all this snooping nonsense!   
AG: theres a mangled, massive cupcake tower thing in the toilet. ಠ~ಠ  
CG: yes. there is.   
AG: I'm tempted to clean it up for you.   
CG: ok, if thatll make ya happy   
AG: yes, yes it would   
AG: fight me child   
CG: excuse you  
AG: shhh i don't love you  
CG: anyway...   
CG: i am going to have a look at this enormous platformy thing you put on the balcony.

 

> Luna: Examine Alchemiter in a cautious manner.

 

You have no idea what to do with this thing. You can't find any controls for it. 

Having exhausted all other possibilities, you just decide to stand on it. 

This isn't very cautious of you, actually.

 

> Luna: Look through telescope.

 

It is a clear, sunny day. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. At least, not beyond the walls of your own home.

 

> AG: Grab the soiled toilet.

 

She picks up the toilet. Along with a large portion of the floor.

 

AG: whoops.   
CG: whoops what?

 

==>

 

CG: what was that noise?   
CG: is this something i should go investigate?   
AG: nah it's cool, i can handle it  
AG: you can keep playing with your telescope

 

> Luna: Investigate.

 

CG: augh!   
AG: don't worry. i think i can fix it  
AG: just gimme a little space  
AG: go figure out what the Cruxtruder is for  
CG: the what?   
AG: the thing i put in your living room.

 

> Luna: Hop down hole.

 

You jump down to the UTILITY ROOM.

 

> Luna: Get the Book of Shadows and the card.

 

You take the BOOK OF SHADOWS and the CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, combine the two, and quickly apply it to your STRIFE SPECIBUS. 

You think it's cool that things don't always have to be a federal fucking issue.

 

==>

 

It looks like another one of your chums is pestering you on your PDA.

 

> Luna: Answer chum.

 

\-- terribleGoober [TG] began pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 18:25 -- 

TG: lunaaaaa did you get my package??   
CG: oh hey!   
CG: no, not yet.   
TG: god dammit. are you sure? it was in an orange box.....   
CG: oh!   
CG: yes, but it is in my mom's car and she is still out at the store.   
CG: she should be back soon.   
TG: make her hurry the fuck up  
CG: fuck you, i am up to my neck in this sburb stuff.   
CG: and AG is making a royal mess of my house.   
TG: lol!   
TG: whats sburb??   
CG: oh, it is this game.   
CG: it's ok i guess. i'm still figuring it out.   
TG: whoa what was that?????   
CG: what was what?   
TG: there was a loud noise outside my house!!   
TG: it sounded like an explosion!!!!   
CG: wow, really?   
TG: i will go outside and look....   
CG: oh man, alright but be careful, ok?   
TG: fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

\-- terribleGoober [TG] ceased pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 18:28 --

 

> Luna: Might as well check out the Cruxtruder. 

 

CG: oh hell no, you put this thing in front of the door?   
AG: there's a door there?   
CG: um, YEAH???   
AG: whoops lol i didn't see it  
AG: i just thought it fit nicely into that groove ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
CG: you mean you thought it was elegant?   
CG: ok well what do i do with this thing.   
CG: hello?   
CG: what are you doing up there now?

 

==>

 

AG: oh fuck

 

> Luna: Examine wheel on the Cruxtruder. 

 

When you turn the wheel, something seems to be pushing up from underneath the lid. 

But you aren't strong enough to make the lid come off!

 

> AG: Put bathtub in driveway. 

 

On the tub's journey to the driveway, the connection is interrupted.

 

> Luna: Scold AG.

 

You stand in the tub that is now positioned on your staircase and message her.

CG: you can see me, right.   
CG: tell me what is wrong with this picture.   
AG: sorreh i keep disconnecting from the w i f i   
AG: (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻  
AG: it's probably the weather  
AG: _wheeze_  
CG: bitch put that table down  
AG: ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)  
AG: HAHA NEVER!!!  
AG: (╯≧∇≦）╯︵ ┻━┻  
CG: !!!!!  
CG: *scrememes*  
CG: nvm. Just go outside or something and get a better signal  
AG: uhhhh  
AG: it's raining, remember?   
AG: and dark.   
CG: it’s dark already?   
AG: ye  
AG: the world doesn't revolve around y o u  
CG: succ

 

> Luna: Hit Cruxtruder with novel. 

 

You climb up onto a SIDE TABLE that clearly wasn’t made to support your weight. It wobbles beneath you.

 

AG: Need some help?

 

> AG: Stabilize table.

 

She holds the TABLE still long enough for you to hit the CRUXTRUDER’s lid with HARRY POTTER AND THE BOOK OF SHADOWS.

 

==>

 

The CRUXTRUDER opens and a flashing blue spirograph emerges out of it.

 

==>

 

A timer appears on the side and begins to count down from 5:08.

CG: the fuck is this????  
CG: and what is that clock counting down to?   
AG: hang on a sec  
AG: im lookin at some faq’s to see what people have got going on here  
CG: ok.   
AG: all of these walkthroughs are extremely short  
AG: none of them seem to go any more then this point ಠ~ಠ  
CG: weird.   
CG: well, i mean it is a new game.   
AG: i guess  
AG: now since the lid is off, you gotta get out some “cruxtrite”

 

> Luna: Turn wheel again.

 

A blue cylinder comes out the top of the CRUXTRUDER, which you assume is the CRUXTRITE.

You extrude ONE (1) CRUXITE DOWEL.

 

> Luna: Get cruxtrite.

 

AG: that countdown makes me feel like we should be hurrying   
AG: luna?  
AG: great you trapped ur PDA under the dowel (≖︿≖✿)  
AG: it looks like you are going to need this card too

 

> AG: Deploy Pre-punched card.

 

AG drops the PRE-PUNCHED CARD at your feet. It has a picture of a blue apple.

 

> Luna: Get card.

 

A SHARD OF GLASS is expelled from the deck and maims the MUTANT CAT DOLL.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue preserved mutant cats.

 

You take TWO (2) MUTANT CATS. 

The additional useless freight pushes your PDA to the last card. You then switch to the QUEUE MODUS so you can access the PDA. 

More glass shrapnel flies from the deck.

 

==>

 

CG: this thing keeps following me around  
CG: i think it's trying to talk to me or something  
AG: that's probably the "Kernelsprite"  
AG: it apparently needs to be "prototyped"  
AG: two times???  
AG: whatever the hell that means  
AG: these walkthroughs are horrendously written  
CG: hmm, ok.   
CG: well, you are the one with the cursor so just do whatever you think is the right thing to do!   
CG: also, fix my bathroom.

 

> AG: Drop maimed cat doll into kernel sprite.

 

The KERNELSPRITE has been prototyped with the MUTANT CAT DOLL.

 

==>

 

CG: i still can't understand this thing's gobbledygook.   
AG: that was only "Tier One Prototyping"  
AG: there is still another tier to the prototyping process   
AG: whatever the fuck that means ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
CG: the clock is ticking  
CG: we don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery  
AG: this unmitigated poppycock?   
CG: extravagant hogwash!   
CG: ok stop   
CG: stop typing whatever silly thing you're typing  
CG: i'm going upstairs to the big platformy thing   
AG: the alchemiter?   
CG: ??   
AG: learn the lingo 

 

> Luna: Use pre-punched card with the alchemiter. 

 

There is no slot for a card anywhere to be found on the ALCHEMITER! 

The KERNELSPRITE followed you upstairs.

 

> AG: Explore Atheneum. 

 

Acquiring a CRUXITE DOWEL seems to have populated the ATHENEUM with one item: a PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECT.

 

> Luna: Captchalogue telescope.

 

You snatch the TELESCOPE from its TRIPOD. Who knows, it might be useful. But more importantly, it pushes the CRUXITE to the last card making it available for tinkering. 

The PDA is predictably jettisoned into the yard, over the neighbor's fence.

 

> Luna: Put cruxite on weird pattern on alchemiter. 

 

You place the CRUXITE DOWEL on the ALCHEMITER'S small pedestal. 

Something is happening...

 

==>

 

You set the ALCHEMITER to cast THREE (3) PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS for some reason, expending a total of 6 units of BUILD GRIST. 

These things look completely useless. What a waste! 

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice there's something in the sky.

 

> Luna: Switch modus and use telescope to inspect sky. 

 

You switch back to STACK MODUS and get a closer look with your TELESCOPE. 

Whatever it is, the KERNELSPRITE seems particularly agitated about it.

 

==>

 

A large meteor is falling from the sky. You're no astronomer, but its trajectory looks suspiciously head-on with your current perspective. 

This is a troubling development.

 

> Luna: High-five Kernelsprite.

 

You figure you've left them hanging long enough.

 

> Luna: Attempt to ingest a unit of build grist.

 

It is tempting because they strongly resemble Rockin' Blue Raspberry Gushers. However, units of BUILD GRIST are a gaming abstraction and do not seem to exist on the physical plane! 

There is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions.

 

==>

 

AG: your mom is home  
AG: Luna?  
AG: what did you do with your PDA this time?   
AG: im working on the bathroom  
AG: but we’re running low on Build Grist.

 

> AG: Revise bathroom.

 

AG revises the bathroom, leaving you with 2 build grist.

 

> Luna: Run to your room and contact AG through Pesterchum.

 

Two chums have been trying to message you.

 

> Luna: Answer chums.

 

AG: im working on the bathroom.   
AG: but we’re running low on Build Grist.   
CG: oh man who cares about the bathroom, now there's a meteor heading for my house!!!   
AG: i see...  
AG: do you think it’s got anything to do with the game?  
CG: i don't know, maybe! what do i do!?!  
AG: i think it is  
AG: these walkthroughs suggest an impending threat before they end  
AG: the already short and sloppy sentences get worse  
AG: like it's written fast and with a sense of alarm  
AG: actually, their dedication to updating the walkthrough under such circumstances is admirable  
CG: wow, FASCINATING.   
CG: ??????   
AG: if the meteor is actually part of the game, we should proceed quickly  
AG: try using the lathe.  
AG: it says you can use the card on it, but isn't more specific than that  
CG: ok i'll do that.   
AG: really tho, reading this hurts my brain  
AG: like, if i read any more my brain will need to be spoon-fed from a jar  
AG: while it blows spit bubbles in a highchair  
AG: i might write my own if i don't find a good one soon  
AG: well… after we make sure you don't die

\-- alternativeTermination [AT] began pestering correlatedGarden [CG] at 18:34 -- 

AT: I heard you got the box.  
AT: I heard that you like the Harry Potter series.  
AT: I thought I’d get something for the little gremlin.  
AT: Also, I hope you’re okay with the fact that a lot of creepy nerds had their gross hands on that wand before you.  
AT: It’s very *disgusting*.  
AT: Where are you?  
CG: Oh! Thank you. The wand was p cool. But I’m kinda busy right now. I’m playing sburb and it’s kinda a nightmare.  
CG: AG is breaking everything in my house.   
AT: See? I told you to stay away from that game.  
AT: And for that matter, you should probably wash your hands of flighty broads and their snarky horseshit altogether.  
CG: And now there's a meteor coming, and i'm not even joking about that!!!   
CG: It’s like a big asteroid.. or comet.. or something…..  
CG: in the sky…..  
CG: But the important thing is it looks like it’s heading straight towards my house!  
AT: Oh my.  
AT: How big is it?  
CG: I have no idea!!  
CG: It’s p big I guess.  
CG: I gotta go!   
CG: We'll talk later if I am still alive and the earth isn't blown up.   
AT: Is it like, the size of your house?  
AT: Or your state?  
AT: It’s Ohio, Right?  
AT: …  
AT: Well, I hope you’re safe.  
AT: I don’t want a dead midget.  
AT: Anyways.  
AT: Bye, I guess.

 

> Luna: Use pre-punched card on totem lathe.

 

You slip the PRE-PUNCHED CARD into a slot on the TOTEM LATHE. Above, the TOOL ARM deploys a configuration of chisels. 

Now you just need something to lathe.

 

> Luna: Take cruxite to totem lathe.

 

Cursing your lack of foresight, you return to the BALCONY for the CRUXITE DOWEL you left on the pedestal. 

You navigate the hallway leery of your MOM, who is presently puzzling over the new fixture in her hallway.

 

==>

 

AG picks the now empty toilet from the yard and sets it back down in the bathroom.

The perfect crime.

 

==>

 

You retrieved the CRUXITE DOWEL. 

MOM just shrugs and heads back downstairs, presumably to do some more baking. 

If only she knew you were hard at work saving her ass.

 

> Luna: Use cruxite dowel on totem lathe.

 

You clamp the CRUXITE in the lathe.

 

> Luna: Activate lathe.

 

The lathe carves ONE (1) TOTEM. 

You take the TOTEM.

 

==>

 

CG: alright, i used the lathe to make this blue shapey thing.   
CG: now i guess i take it back to the alchemixer again?   
CG: hello???????   
\-- absoluteGarbage [AG] is no longer connected! --   
CG: uh...

 

==>

 

AG began to move the bathtub back to the bathroom, but lost connection and dropped it in the conjunction.

 

==>

 

Luna is now trapped in her room with only two minutes left on the timer.

 

==>

 

A young lady stands in her bedroom. Due to a violent storm, her house has just lost power, along with her wireless internet connection. This has severed her link to a popular video game she was playing with another young woman at a critical moment. That young woman is relying on this young lady to reestablish a connection somehow. This young lady named... 

Named... 

It's on the tip of your tongue. What was the name of this young lady again?

 

> Enter name:

 

_Flighty Broad_

No that wasn’t it.

 

> One more time.

 

Kaya Marley

 

> Examine room.

 

Your name is KAYA. As was previously mentioned you are without ELECTRICITY, although your LAPTOP COMPUTER still functions on BATTERY POWER. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for ANIME. You enjoy drawing some pretty kinky shit and are SOMEWHAT SECRETIVE ABOUT IT. You have a fondness for MAINLY SPORTS ANIMES, and YAOI. You also like to READ, and your room is a BIT OF A MESS. And on occasion, if just the right one strikes your fancy, you like to play VIDEO GAMES with your friends. 

What will you do?

 

> Kaya: Retrieve arms from the seafoam green box.

 

The GREEN PACKAGE'S contents are private! No one is allowed to look inside.

 

> Kaya: Writhe like a flagellum and puke on your bed. 

 

Ugh, what a terrible idea! The thought alone makes you sick to your stomach.

 

> Kaya: Stroke journal and mutter, 'My precious...'

 

You would only resort to such an embarrassing activity while no one was watching!!! 

These journals are for your eyes only.

 

> Kaya: Get violin.

 

You draw a picture of your VIOLIN with your PICTIONARY MODUS. It recognizes it and picks up the violin, placing it in your SYLLADEX.

 

> Luna: Play a haunting refrain on the violin.

 

You waste approximately 40 seconds playing the violin while your friend is in peril. 

Nice time management skills there, sweetheart!

 

> Luna: Tell Ava you love her before impact.

 

Since your good for nothing friend is obviously not going to bail you out in time, you issue words of parting fondness to dear, sweet Ava. Oh, if only Titan were here to see your downfall.

 

> Kaya: Grab your bag of… Wait, what’s in there?

 

None of your business is what’s in there. You draw the bag and captchalogue it.

 

> Kaya: Look out window.

 

Your panoramic window offers a view of your yard below, and the mausoleum housing your dead mouse, Arthur, who died when you were young. Your GRANDMOTHER had the structure erected with a spirit of scornful IRONY in response to your youthfully innocent request to hold a funeral for the animal. At least, that is how you have come to interpret the gesture in retrospect. 

You can also make out a silhouette of the LABORATORY next door, a facility which likely broadcasts a strong WIRELESS INTERNET SIGNAL. You may be able to connect to the signal from a different part of the house. Perhaps if you seek higher ground?

 

> Kaya: Get laptop.

 

You draw your LAPTOP and prepare to make the journey through the house. 

 

> Kaya: Examine book on desk.

 

There is the Grimoire you grandmother gave you. You still don’t know why she gave it to you. 

 

> Kaya: Take book.

 

You draw the grimoire. You’re surprised it even got it right.

 

> Kaya: Go explore the house.

 

You leave your BEDROOM. 

Down the hall to the right is the way to the OBSERVATORY. Perhaps you will be able to connect from up there? 

Your grandmother's room is also in that direction. You will have to watch your step.

 

> Kaya: Tiptoe to observatory.

 

You approach a juncture in the hallway. Beyond the juncture is the OBSERVATORY.

 

> Kaya: Sneak by.

 

This door leads up to the OBSERVATORY. You haven't ventured up there in quite some time.

 

> Kaya: Go through door.

 

The door opens to an exterior walkway, leading to the observatory entrance.

You've seen less inclement weather before. Oh the things you'll do to help out a friend.

 

> Kaya: Hurry up to that observatory.

 

You make it to the observatory, safe and sound.

 

> Kaya: Try to connect!

 

You draw your laptop and successfully remove it from your sylladex.

 

> Kaya: See what you can observe.

 

You're in a hurry, sure, but that doesn't mean you can't take moment to peek through the HUGE TELESCOPE. 

You find a gap in the clouds. It seems a flurry of smaller METEOROIDS is streaking steadily overhead. You're not sure what this means, but it is somewhat disconcerting.

 

> Kaya: Stack laptop on Grimoire to maximize elevation.

 

You'll need every advantage you can get.

 

> Kaya: Access laboratory wifi network.

 

There are several signals being broadcasted from the LABORATORY, each of relatively decent strength. 

One of them is mysteriously and quite conveniently UNSECURED, requiring no password. 

You select the signal, and reconnect to the game with Luna.

 

==>

 

AG: guess whos back (back back) back again (gain gain)  
CG: hurry up and open my door!!!!!!   
CG: not that it even matters, i think i'm probably dead no matter what!!!!!!   
AG: calm yourself. You still havent even used the new “Totem”  
CG: ???   
AG: i think itll make the apple from the card  
CG: so it's an apple.  
CG: what good will that even do?   
AG: i have no idea  
AG: doesn't seem like anyone has actually made the item  
AG: and the content of the card appears to be variable from session to session.   
AG: one time, it was described as an "eggy loking thign" [sic].   
CG: do we have enough of those building jewels to make it?   
AG: according to the “Atheneum”, it is a free item.   
AG: i guess this means it's v important  
AG: now hurry before u die

 

> Kaya: Remove door from hinges.

 

There goes the rest of your build grist.

 

> Kaya: Put bathtub back.

 

You probably should have just done this in the first place.

 

> Luna: Take totem to alchemiter.

 

Got to get those stupid blocks out of the way first! 

The KERNELSPRITE is getting awfully worked up about all this!

 

> Kaya: Remove blocks.

 

You store the PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS in your PHERNALIA REGISTRY, potentially to be deployed at a later time.

 

==>

 

Luna sets the totem on the ALCHEMITER and a blue tree is made. A blue apple falls from said tree.

 

> Luna: Take bite of apple.

 

 

> END OF ACT 1


	5. Tethys Éktasi

Okay so I'm making this in place of a new update for now.

 

_**FOR NOW** _

 

Anyways, here is some information on an *almost* completed character. 

There are some more things I need to do before she's completely done, but she's p much there already so... 

* * *

 

 **Name:** Tethys Éktasi

_-Tethys is one of Saturn’s moons, named after a greek god._

_-Éktasi is Greek for expanse._

 

 **Age:** 7.38 Alternian Solar Sweeps

 

- _(16 Earth Years)_

 

 **Lusus:** Sea Snake

 

- _Saturn historically governs snakes, mice, foxes, dragons, and nocturnal birds of prey such as the owl._

 

 **Fetch Modus:** Constellation

 

- _The card displays what seems to be just a bundle of stars, but if you look close enough, you could ‘connect the dots’ and see what item it is. The item cannot be retrieved until the constellation is mapped out. (Similar to a drawing tablet.)_

 

 **Trollian Tag:** apofasiGezegen

 

- _Apofasi is Greek for ruling._

_-Tethys takes over as the highest blood caste, making her next in line for the throne._

_-Gezegen is Turkish for planet._

_-The term “ruling planet” means a planet that is held to have a particular influence over a specific sign of the zodiac, house, aspect of life, ect. Saturn has been stated to be the ruling planet over Capricorn and Aquarius._

 

 **Blood Color:** Cerise

 

 **Dream Self:** Prospit

 

 **God Tier:** Rogue of Mind

 

_-Rogues take their aspect from some and give to others, ensuring a distribution that benefits the team. Mind is all about logic, decisions, and intelligence. So the Rogue of Mind would take knowledge from some people and distribute that knowledge to the entire team._

_The Rogue of Mind would start off acting more like a Heart player, tending towards impulsiveness and not really acting on their surprisingly strong intelligence. They would also have trouble making clear decisions, tending to waver from one choice to another._

_However, as they progress through the game, the Rogue of Mind would slowly become more of a leader to the team. They would be able to distribute the knowledge of one player with the entire team, leading to more unity within the team. Each player could walk a mile in each other’s shoes, as the saying goes. They would also quickly become more confident in their intellectual prowess, and become more and more capable of staying one step ahead of the enemy’s plans._

_A god tiered Rogue of Mind would be a brilliant and capable leader for the team. They would be able to steal the plans of their enemies and distribute them to their team, allowing the team to stay one step ahead no matter what their enemies did. They could be able to steal the outer self of someone, allowing someone else to see from their point of view, making them very good at solving disputes. They could also be able to distribute intelligence and creativity to their team, allowing everyone to think as well as the Rogue of Mind and come up with the most effective plan as a team. Long story short, the Rogue of Mind would make an incredibly smart leader who could guide any team to a victorious plan._

 

 **Powers / Traits:** Astral Projection + Empathy

 

_-Astral Projection is a term used in esotericism to describe a willful out-of-body experience (OBE), a supposed form of telepathy, that assumes the existence of a soul or consciousness called an “astral body” that is separate from the physical body and capable of travelling outside of it throughout the universe when it interacts with other astral bodies and is capable of implanting ideas into other people’s minds._

_-This works perfectly with her God Tier._

_-Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another._

_-The empathy trait would also go along with her God Tier._

 

 **Symbol:** ♄

 

_-(Saturn)_

_-The top cross, which is symbolic of the culmination of matter as well as_ _the function of intense focus._ _1_

 _-The crescent shape is an element which signifies_ _receptivity._ _2_ _This lower “crescent” portion of the saturn symbol is also a reminiscent_ _of a scythe or sickle_ _._ _3_

 

_-1: this alludes to the amount of focus it takes for the astral projection._

_-2: Receptivity- willingness or readiness to receive (especially impressions or ideas), which alludes to the Empathy trait._

_-3: Her weapon._

 

 **Theme/ Interests:** Space fanatic + Saturn based things

 

_-Her fetch modus is constellation._

_-She has freckles. Think about it._

_-Her sign is the symbol for Saturn._

_-Her lusus is one of the animals represented by Saturn._

 

 **Personality Type:** EITP

 

_-Extrovert_

_-Intuitive_

_-Thinking_

_-Perceiving_

 

**Typing Quirk:**

T = +

S = 5

E = 3

 

_-The ‘+’ refers to the cross-like part on her symbol._

_-The ‘5’ and the ‘3’ refer to the fact that Saturn has 53 moons._

 

 **Land:** Land Of Insight And Construct

 

_-Land Feel: soft and calm with a rich culture._

_-Quest: To create something. (This bit is still undecided)_

_-Consorts:_ _Pastel_ _1_ _Dragons_ _2_

 

_-Certain stones like jet, obsidian and onyx resonate with Saturn energy._

_-Maybe have something like Jane’s obelisks?_

 

_-1: The soft feel of the land would make the consorts a soft color._

_-2: As previously stated, Saturn historically governs dragons._

 

 **Denizen:** Ops

 

 _-_ _In Ops' statues and coins, she is figured sitting down, as Chthonian deities normally are, and generally holds a scepter or a cornspike as her main attributes. The husband of Ops was Saturn._

_-The land has a rich culture, unassumingly because of this denizen,_

 

 

  

 

All of these are drawn by me ^^

 

 

 **NOTE:**  This picture is going to be all of the trolls save for the two on the right (which are going to be the symbols for the cherubs), and the symbols labeled "Luna" and "Sun" hint hint *winks*

 

 


End file.
